i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
