I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
