guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
