You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
