I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
