Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
