I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
