Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
