I hope mine doesn't look like that
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
