Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
