Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex

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(630): View more from Illinois

note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...

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(973): View more from New Jersey

You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?

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(802): View more from Vermont

It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices

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(301): View more from Maryland

And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble

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(314): View more from Missouri

The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.

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(917): View more from New York City

just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?

(1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.

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(310): View more from California

I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”

(310): View more from California

My divorce is turning into a porn script

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