So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
