apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
