Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
