Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
