i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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