Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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