You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
