I got chris browned last night
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
