There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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