i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
