i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The power of my boobs compel you
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
