I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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