bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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