i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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