Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
