her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
