I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
