So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
