im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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