I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
