Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
