wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
