1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
