I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
