I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
