No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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