Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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