please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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