I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
