I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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