Moan for me like Helen Keller
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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