There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
