Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just invented taco cereal.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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