If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
