the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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