So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
