I feel great
I just peed on a car
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
