What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
