the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
